JOEY FATONE SENT A HILARIOUS OPEN LETTER TO ONE DIRECTION
Normally we would ignore anything labeled boy band news but this is just too funny. You see back in the day Joey Fatone was a member of the insanely popular boy band NSYNC who dominated from the late 90’s to around 2002 when the group went into “hiatus”. That hiatus pretty much signaled the end of the groups reign. One member of course still went on to massive success, you may have heard of him- Justin Timberlake. So when one of the other guys in NSYNC (Joey Fatone) heard about new pop sensation One Direction and their upcoming hiatus, he felt it necessary to chime in and let them know what they are in for:
Dear Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan and Harry Styles,
Hey guys. It’s Joey Fatone, former member of NSync and current announcer on Family Feud, the job I’ve always dreamed of. This weekend, while sitting on the toilet and crying (I LOVE MY LIFE!!!) I flipped through my iPhone and saw that you’d announced a “one-year hiatus” beginning in March. I just wanted to congratulate you guys and wish you well! I’m sure 2016 will be a wonderful time for everyone from One Direction to pursue some independent projects before regrouping as a stronger band one year later! Here’s to spreading your wings!
Here’s how it’s gonna go down, fellas. While you’re all on hiatus, Harry will record some dope singles with Beyonce, Ryan Adams and Wiz Khalifa, come out with a killer solo album produced by Pharrell and Timbaland, cut his hair, dye his hair, do a second less awesome album, let his hair grow super long and wear it in two braids, crush a self-effacing cameo in a Judd Apatow movie, buzz his hair and release a third, self-produced album on which he hints at being bisexual that everyone will call his “best work.”
The rest of you are fucked. I mean fucked. I am the second most-successful former member of NSync and I am Joey Fatone. Say that outloud to yourself: “Besides Justin Timberlake, Joey Fatone is the most successful member of NSync.”
Here’s me being a spokesman for Bosley hair restoration last year:
Image courtesy of spin.com
Best case scenario, you’ll do a 6-week stint in Minions: The Musical! on Broadway before you bounce around different hosting jobs on channels like Spike and TruTv. Do you know what Chris Kirkpatrick is doing? Because I don’t. He’s completely unreachable. He might be managing a Best Buy in Sacramento, he might be dead. No one knows. Louis, I’m looking at you.
There is one exception: If one of you is gay you might have a shot. Wait till One Direction has been dead for two years, kiss your hot boyfriend at an awards show, then ride that relevance like a beautiful boner and pray to god you get a show on Bravo.
It’s not that you guys aren’t talented, it’s that Harry is so, so much cuter, cooler and more talented than the rest of you. Deep down, you’ve always known that, but you will never truly understand it until you’re in your grimy little condo, sitting in your boxers, sucking a chow mein noodle off your Playstation controller and watching Harry blow it up on SNL.
Jesus christ I wish I was still in NSync. Jesus…JESUS FUCK! I would give all my hair to go back to that.
Anyway, enjoy the next few months, One Direction, because they’re your last.
We found this letter on Fresh Radio and it could be a fake but it’s still freaking hilarious. Good luck and good bye One Direction.